Our Romantic Vacation...Phase 2 - Customs and Driving Around the Island

Landing on Providenciales (Provo), TCI is just like landing on any other Caribbean island. Out one window you see the beautiful clear waters and out the other window you see the impoverished country side. But most importantly, you can't wait to get your feet on the ground and your butt in the warm, calm waters. The problem here lies in getting through TCI customs and actually finding your resort.

Our plane was the 2nd in a line of 4 planes that were landing back-to-back in Provo. Normally that wouldn't pose a problem, but considering that all of these people have to go through a rather small customs area means a long wait in a non-air conditioned airport in the tropics. And to make matters worse, our flight crew didn't give us one of the forms that we needed, although they did tell us before we left the plane.

So as we enter the customs area I staked out a 'prime' spot at the back of one of the 5 long lines while DaveBrown got our remaining forms. And lucky us - guess who got in line directly behind us....the drunk redneck couple from NC. We were sandwiched between 2 dysfunctional families for an hour while we waited to get through customs. It was classic.

The family in front of us consisted of a man, woman and 2 daughters from upstate New York. They were actually a pretty nice family with fairly well behaved kids. The dad however was less than impressive. The poor mom was forced to parent the 2 girls and move all but 1 bag up each time the line moved. The daughters spent the first half hour learning about the islands at the make-shift museum located on 1/2 a wall in the airport. The second half hour they helped their mom with the bags - which were probably mostly theirs since they were Disney Princess bags. The dad was so useless that when they finally got up to the customs agent - he completely forgot one of their bags and DaveBrown had to yell at him to come get it.

Now for the rednecks. After downing close to a 12 pack on the 2 hour flight, they both were full of piss and a fine pilsner buzz. They took turns hitting the head as soon as they got in line - which was very smart. After about 15 minutes of waiting in line the man started bitching. For the remainder of time we waited in line their conversation went something like this....

Man-'I've got to pee. How long do you think we've got to wait in this here line?' Woman-'Well, go pee then! I don't know how long the wait is! Who do I look like - a timekeeper?'
Man-'Well I need to go pee bad.'
Woman-'Well, go then. But if I get through customs without you, you'll have to go to the back of the line and wait even longer!'
Man-'(Grumble, grumble) I guess I'll wait then.'
Woman-'If you got to go then go!'
(5 minutes later)
Man-'Man, I got to go pee something awful. How long do we have to wait in this here line?'
Woman-'Well go pee then! Damn! You've been bitching ever since we got on the plane this mornin'! You are ruining my vacation!'
Man-'(Grumble, grumble)'
(And repeat this conversation, for an hour)

It was as if my crazy grandmother was in line right behind me - drunk, belligerent and blaming others. Just like home....

Once we made it through customs, we picked up our rental car. It was actually an upgrade from the euro mini car that we were supposed to get, so that was a plus. This plus however was quickly replaced with a few minuses....like no map and no road signs. When we asked the rental car guy for directions to our resort he was like...you jus leave de airport and it's on de beach road. Huh? Luckily the island is only 38 miles and we had a full tank of gas. We snagged a map from a magazine that we got on the plane, so that helped.

Before we left the airport we witnessed a fender bender that stopped all traffic for a good 15 minutes. Cops came out of nowhere and were quickly followed by middle aged local men who had to put in their 2 cents. Once that was cleared up, we were on our way to try to find our resort - on a map with no road names, in a country with no road signs.

The Turks and Caicos islands are ruled by the British, so they drive on the wrong side of the road and have pictures of the queen in their gov't buildings. DaveBrown did an excellent job adapting to driving on the left hand side of the road - but the numerous pot holes were a bit tricky. The main road wasn't bad - not even the round abouts - but the pot holes were all over the side roads like mine fields. And they weren't like our pot holes here. They were deep - like someone was digging a hole to China in each one. And they seemed to form in groups. Also, there are no lines on the roads there and they are quite narrow - so you're going to hit more than your share of these while driving around. Whiplash must be the national malady.

After getting slightly lost and turning around in someone's front yard, we finally found our resort. It was the oasis at the end of a long day's journey. Lush tropical flowers and plants surrounding stucco buildings and the sound of the calm waters. Now, where's the reg desk so we can check in and relax?

Stay tuned for Phase 3 - The Resort and the Island Food...